This too will pass…

Dear stellar,
Early 2016 after I had just taken my first jamb and concluded Waec, the hopes of gaining admission seemed very faint. It was hard for me to take in such reality, seeing that I worked really hard memorizing those books like they were my family history and very important to my identity. I cried day in day out cause I felt I didn’t know how to face people, not that I was a failure or that I didn’t make good grades, but the thought of how faintly possible my admission into law would be like was a thought scary enough to drive me crazy into quick depression.

At that point in my life, that was my biggest problem. There was no light, no future, no image, no hope, just a vessel of shattered dreams. Did I later get admission, YES. Was it the course of my dream, NO. Did I cry, over and over, YES, but as time went by, I began to realise that what I so much hoped for wasn’t what I actually wanted. The story ends well because I got into school the same time my mates did, no gap year, nothing, just a regular 300level student, doing something I actually enjoy and fits well into my creative routine and lifestyle. So I can say truly “This too will pass” is a possible statement.

Looking at our current situation, most times it’s very difficult to see past our fears, broken dreams or pains, be it loosing a loved one, failing an exam, loosing our jobs, being cheated or facing a harsh breakup that leads to mental breakdown, all situations confront us like a full stop in our lives. The weight of the terror is reason enough to sink deep into depression, but I want to let you know that even though it may not seem like it, but that which gives us so much pain, sleepless night and frustrating thoughts will also pass and most times with a miracle in our favour.
I’ve come to understand that there is nothing more scary than depression and once you drive into that point in your life, it takes really deep work to come out. I might not have reached the complete and agonizing stage of depression but the level of frustration and confusion I’ve reached is enough to let me know it’s a place too dark for even the white lights. So I believe rather than getting worked up over man made problems, let’s always have a positive outlook on life that no matter what we are facing at the moment, sooner or later it will become history and a testimony of a healed pain. Life is too short to spend it agonising over things we can’t change, so it’s best we live it accepting the process won’t always be the way we think it should be, but the way it will be which we can trust.
There is nothing that we face that is too heavy for us, for Christians believe God cannot test you more that he knows you can handle, because His strength is made perfect in our weakness. So on that note, I say, trust the process, be positive, for if we throw negativity to the universe it will birth depression in our souls. Try as much to always be happy, it’s the least we owe our selves
Bye Stellar 🌸

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You make the difference

Dear stellar,
Late 2014/ early 2015, I became a sucker for Michael Jackson’s song “Man in the mirror”. I obsessed over the song, constantly had it on repeat and took it with me everywhere possible. But never did I stop to really listen to the words, until one day it finally hit me and left it’s mark boldly in my mind.

We spend too much of our time looking for who to pin the problems on or shift the blame to, that we hardly ever realise in this messy game called life, it takes just one man to make a difference and that man could be either of us (You and I). Making a difference doesn’t always have to mean revolting or starting a demonstration to force our believes or changing the system, it simply means making an attempt to be better than we were yesterday, not just for yourself but as a benefit to the world. An average man turns a blind eye to his distant neighbour’s problem because he believes everyone has their own problems to face, but that same average man criticises his neighbour when he calls out for help and doesn’t get a befitting reply. To him his neighbour isn’t compassionate enough and is likely to be part of the problems of the universe.

You make the difference, for your actions speak to affect situations. If only we could change our thinking and mindset to life, then we could open ourselves to a greater understanding of how to make a difference. The little things we do to people good or bad has it’s lasting impressions – it either changes them or makes them bitter towards the world. It’s high time we bring down our criticising finger and take time to look at ourselves, analyse our faults and make proper attempts to make the change. Start with yourself, everyone has their sides good or bad and focusing on everyone else’s won’t change anything, but focusing on ourselves and doing something about it can create a lasting solution.
It’s easy to say I’m going to start with myself or for someone to come and preach to you on the need to make a difference , but it’s important we understand what those things that really do make a difference are.

Be kind to others even if they aren’t kind to you, give even if they try to take advantage of you, love even when it’s hard not to expect anything in return, wipe someone’s tears even though you are not the one who put them there, be generous even though they are strangers. Be a helping hand to those around you.

An unpopular saying by Estelle

I know it sounds hard and things are not as clear as black and white, but through the process always remember your “difference”, even if not properly acknowledged is surely of great impact to those in need of it. Be a light in someone’s darkness, be that person you wish everyone else was, don’t look back even when things get tough because you’re standing alone, always remember, your purpose is what really counts and that is the difference.
Bye stellar🌸

Learning to love others

Dear stellar,
Few years back I met a girl who was sweet, fun to be with and somewhat of a good friend. She had almost all the quality needed, but the one thing she had missing from her was the ability to genuinely love others. She would be happy with you in so far she felt she was better than you, and once that inferiority line beats the average, you’ll see sides of her you wish never existed. Sad for a pretty face, but true.

I have spoken about committing to yourself and understanding that you are enough, but it is also very important we learn to love others. Loving someone means appreciating them, it means caring for them with no strings attached. I believe while we are on a journey to loving and appreciating ourselves, we should love and appreciate others because they are a mirror which we use to see our selves better.

Sometimes, our insecurities might get the best of us and we find it hard to see people in the true light of what they are and then turn our supposed love for them into hate or competition – which shouldn’t be. Yes, you may have inferiority complex and other self-esteem related issues, but bringing people down just so you can raise yourself high won’t make you a star, it will only keep diming your light until you become darkness itself. Don’t give people so much power over you, especially when things have nothing to do with them. If you feel someone is better than you, encourage them and encourage yourself too. Do not see it as a bad thing, but use it to your own advantage to growth, learning from them so that you can even grow better and faster, but also understand no one can and is better than you because there is only one of you which is you.

Life is easy, we only make it complicated.

The truth is, when we love people and are truly nice and compassionate toward others, we acquire so much peace which sets us higher that those who harbour hate and jealousy in their heart. Loving others is still about us. Anything that renders you restless can never be aimed towards your peace, so to spend time hating, spitting and planning will never be about your peace unless it is to take it away. You may say you don’t hate people or you may also say you don’t dislike people, but showing random acts of selfishness, bullying, ridiculing others, slander, jealously, being in constant unhealthy competition with others, pettiness, discrimination and plotting evil isn’t a sign of love or likeness either. We need to learn to pick a side and reduce our vices, virtue is more important than all others.

Do not turn a blind eye to another person’s pain, for the bible says,
“I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, that you did to me” – Matthew 25:40 (NIV)

Love those who love you and also love those who don’t love you, because you might be the only chance of love they might get to experience. Love yourself first. It is important to love yourself first because once you are filled with the wholeness and awesomeness which you possess, there would be little to no room for you to dislike others, all that will remain is peace and love to appreciate and care for others. Let’s learn to see others the way we see our selves, for we are blessed, beautiful and bold and nothing is strong enough to pierce us or break us into believing anything less.
Sleep♡ Eat♡ Love and Pray.
Bye stellar🌸

Committing to oneself

Dear stellar,

Life is too short for you to commit your time and energy to anything that is not yourself. Yes, there is work, family, dreams and other things, but nothing is worth you loosing sleep nor a strand of your hair over.

We can not seek to make thing better for ouselves and not commit time to improving ourselves and achieving our dreams. Our primary focus should be about us and no one else. No, I’m not saying we should be selfish , over ambitious or ruthless, I’m saying rather than focusing our time and effort wondering how someone else was able to do it or comparing ourselves, we should stay calm and be tuned to our own lives.

Those we call the GOAT(greatest of all times) in succeeding never spent their lives or their time pondering on what could be, rather, they probably must have committed more to themselves and made what they wanted their reality and not their fantasy. We spend too much of our time on the unnecessary things of life, and it take great discipline to change that setting in us back to factory mode of simply being who we are and living the best way possible.

There are over 7.5 billion people in the universe and each person has a story and purpose of their own. Our story is ours to make and its start to finish depends greatly on what we channel our mind and time to. If we keep spending almost everyday, wishing we could be someone else rather than being who we already are, then how the story goes all the way to it’s sad end is solely our fault, same thing applies to doing something we ordinarily ought not be doing.

Spend most of your time thinking about you.

Growth must be intentional, nobody improves by accident. – choose a life of growth, start growing today. Focus on self-development.

– John . C . Maxwell (101) self-improvement.

Eliminate distractions; you don’t have to be better than anyone or have your life like anyone, you don’t need to fantasize on what could be, rather live in the moment of what is and work hard to get to what you dream. 24hours in a day is barely enough to get us around our struggles seeing how occupied we are by activities, but never the less, go out, have fun, pray, read books and practise, be you and live by your own rules and principles. In the end this life is always and always will be about you and how you lived, set a standard , set targets and then make history for yourself. Be your own model and inspiration. You are who you are and committing to yourself can never be a waste of time, Be the star you are meant to be.

Stellar🌸

Who you are is enough

Dear stellar,

We live in a society where people thrive in the act of intimidating others, the constant competition and battles of coming out as the best. Indirectly, we preach comparison rather than appreciation.

Social media a tool of passing information and entertainment has become a house of competition, lies and pressure . We hype the pressures and make it a necessity of engagement or living and we often times forget the most essential, which is being enough or understanding that what we have is more than enough.

Appreciating ourselves make us better at being contented. It makes us open to the idea and truth that we are more than enough, it helps us be the best version of ourselves. Understanding that we are enough goes deeper than just reciting the words every day and bringing our heads down to believing it – it requires us to live in that truth. Our view on things and basis of comparison is based on our partial view of what really is. It is like hearing a story but only listening to the ending which most times come with a victory note.

You are enough means that you have no one to compete with, you acknowledge the fact there’s only one special being like you, you’re perfect in yourself and you were made perfect in creation, you are smart, you are worth it, you deserve love and you are love itself. You don’t have to be perfect for the world to see you, you simply have to be you and that is enough. It doesn’t matter what’s going on in someone else’s life, it only matters what’s going on in yours. There’s a reason why you were made for your own life and not someone else’s, there’s a reason why your grass is set as it is, so why don’t we focus on that and make what we have work.

Comparing yourself to others won’t make you better, it will only make you worse. Trying to fit into what others want for you won’t help you be the best, it will only confuse you on what is best. You have to discover what works for and understand who you are, it is of great importance to sink in the words that you are enough and live in it. People will come and go, their judgement on you will pass as time passes, but what will never fade is the guilt of denying yourself the acknowledgment you deserve. No matter how hard you try to change who you are into the profile people want, you won’t be satisfied nor will they be satisfied, you are only perfect when you are you. And you is(are) ENOUGH.

Stellar🌸

Growing up in the 21st century.

Dear stellar,

Growing up in the 21st century can be difficult at times. One would think that with the advancement in technology and general intelligence, things would be better with more to offer to our generation. Times have changed and science has improved with more answers and cures to many dilemma and diseases, but the things that haven’t really changed are opportunities and parenting(not factual but out of observance).

Parenting in the 21st century still has its trademarks from its vintage home. Sex education is still at its poorest(and I’m speaking narrowing down to Africa, particularly Nigeria), parent to child relationship is mostly based on fear and provision rather than love and communication. We live in a time where everything can be accessed by the counting of seconds, being exposed to many online dangers such as pornography, hacking, sexting, trendy challenges that few times lead to death or disappearance(even tho its on its low doesnt mean it should be ignored) luring and then rape, with many more not mentioned. To top it all up sex education remains “if a man touches you, you get pregnant”, a fallacy at its oldest.

Being a teenager comes with many responsibilities as a Nigerian brought up child. It involves being what your parents what you to be, what their friends expect you to be, what the outside world expects of you and lastly the pressure to fit quickly into the society, good or bad. There is little room for being yourself and more of pleasing others and tradition, which most times should be excluded seeing the evolution of the world.

Sex education, child to parent communication, knowing your rights and responsibilities (under gender and individual roles), comfort, open relationship among gender without wrongful accusation and assumptions are part of the luxury not all are lucky to afford. But this same lack, has proven to be a great cause of many problems among youth and elderly who have also faced this at some point. Be it coming from a broken home, a family filled with little emotions, blame rape, poorly educated community, mummy and daddy drama or what not, not talking about the most important things never help. It is high time we focus on something other than blaming the government and religion and shift to the basic things that can lead to individual reform(Children and how they are raised). How a child is raised all the way to their youth goes a long way to affect them psychologically, emotionally and sometimes physically(not a proven fact but based on observation). Children need to hear the truth mostly from their parents. They are the foundation builders and they need more than learning how to pray, going to school and protecting their family reputation. They need love, comfort, communication, proper sex education, constant guidance, observation, prayer, care, involvement not encroachment, role models and full relationship. We need to live up to the times and ensure the world growth and development is not to our disadvantage.

Growing up in the 21st century is tasking but it’s not unbearable once the necessary is put in. Don’t be afraid to tell the truth about life to those who need it, because once you’re gone they’ll be left stranded and preyed on if not strong enough. Enough has happened for us to learn from, as much as our different ways of being brought up can be made into comedy skits for us to momentarily forget our sorrows and jolly away, but the purpose of comedy is to bring the folly of the society to light in order to make gainful improvement. It’s a presentable way of laying faults and requesting for better. Don’t miss an opportunity to brighten the star in those who need it the most.

Stellar🌸